


Why did it have to be me?

by Kebbi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: (it definetly does), Angst with a Happy Ending, Bo dares Kuroo and Tsukki to kiss, Drunken Kissing, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, No Smut, POV Alternating, University Student Kuroo Tetsurou, University Student Tsukishima Kei, and it may awaken something, chapter one doesn't end that happily lol, in chapter two
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:15:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22055416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kebbi/pseuds/Kebbi
Summary: “Number 1 and 3 kiss”, Bokuto said.“I’m 3”, Kuroo said casually, seemingly not bothered by the task at all.Tsukki on the other hand stared at the little paper straw in his hand. He felt his cheeks heat up and prayed it didn’t show too much. What kind of task was that?“Number ooone?”, Bokuto asked teasingly.Tsukki swallowed thickly before raising his hand, trying to look as relaxed as possible.“Alright”, Kuroo said next to him, a wide, drunken grin on his face.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Bokuto Koutarou & Kuroo Tetsurou & Tsukishima Kei, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 17
Kudos: 254





	1. Chapter 1

It’s been at least two weeks since Tsukki had seen Kuroo and even longer since he’d met up with the rest, so he was actually looking forward to tonight. He would never admit that though. When he was invited by Kuroo, he said he would think about it. But he really didn’t have to.

Tsukki was lucky enough to live relatively close to the bar they decided to meet at, so he walked there. He really should have worn more layers though, even if the way was short. Winter had come rather suddenly, and it surely wasn’t the best idea to walk through the snow in sneakers.

A sigh of relief escaped his lips when he finally set foot into the small bar. He knew that the others were already there the second he walked in – Bokuto wasn’t really a quiet person. Especially not when he’s had a drink or two. He left his coat at the wardrobe and walked over to the table in the corner, where Akaashi and Bokuto were seated next to each other. Kuroo must’ve already arrived as well, since his dark red scarf was tossed over the back of one of the empty chairs.

“Tsukki!” Bokuto’s voice was loud and cheerful as always. “You came at the perfect time, Kuroo just went to get us another round!” Before he could reply anything, he felt someone’s shoulder bumping into his own. “Are you talking about me?”, Kuroo asked with a grin and set a small tray of shots onto the table. “I’m glad you’re finally here, it’s tough to be alone with these two”, Kuroo then said jokingly. Akaashi raised an eyebrow. “Shouldn’t that be my line?” Tsukki chuckled at that and took the empty seat next to Kuroo.

They had a couple drinks while catching up with each other’s lives. It was a nice, fun evening and Tsukki was pretty glad, that he’d come.

Until Bokuto suggested playing the King’s Game.

“Really? With four people?”, Akaashi said, but Bokuto already prepared straws.

“It’s gonna be fun!”, he said, and Kuroo seemed to agree. Tsukki wasn’t very fond of this. He didn’t like embarrassing himself, he didn’t like doing ridiculous things. It may be easy for the likes of Bokuto or Kuroo to act ridiculously and make fun of themselves. But Tsukki wasn’t like them, Tsukki worried about these things.

But there wasn’t a way out, really. Not without ruining the mood, not without being “no fun”. So he reluctantly drew a straw from Bokuto’s hand.

The first few rounds weren’t so bad. Tsukki barely got orders and when he did they weren’t as humiliating as expected. But then, they’d probably had a couple drinks too many at this point, Bokuto was king. He looked into the round excitedly, a wide smile on his face that Tsukki thought was a little unsettling.

“Number 1 and 3 kiss”, he said.

“I’m 3”, Kuroo said casually, seemingly not bothered by the task at all.

Tsukki on the other hand stared at the little paper straw in his hand. He felt his cheeks heat up and prayed it didn’t show too much. _What kind of task was that?_

“Number ooone?”, Bokuto asked teasingly.

Tsukki swallowed thickly before raising his hand, trying to look as relaxed as possible.

“Alright”, Kuroo said next to him, a wide, drunken grin on his face.

Tsukki would have worried about this more, would have thought that _, shit, why couldn’t it have been Akaashi? Why did it have to be me?_

But then he already felt Kuroo’s lips on his, and they were soft and warm and then they were gone again. He opened his eyes, wondering when he’d closed them. Kuroo looked at him, surprised, confused, as though he was the one who had been kissed so suddenly.

And then he felt Kuroo’s lips on his again, longer this time, more intense and he felt Kuroo’s hands cupping his face and he really didn’t know how to react to this, he really didn’t know what to think, so he just kissed back.

When they pulled back Tsukki heard Bokuto whistling, but it sounded far away. He looked at Kuroo and Kuroo looked back, seriously at first, before he broke into a cheeky smile. Tsukki couldn’t help blushing at that, and quickly averted his eyes.

The evening continued for a while, with more drinks and more dares. The kiss was treated like it wasn’t a big deal. Maybe, because everyone was drunk, or maybe because it really wasn’t. But Tsukki found himself caring quite a bit. Sure, they were told to kiss but they surely weren’t meant to kiss twice or to look at each other like that.

And most of all Tsukki wasn’t meant to think, that it felt good and that he’d want to do it again.

When the evening came to an end, Akaashi and Bokuto hailed a Taxi. Bokuto hugged them about a zillion times goodbye, until Akaashi managed to shove him into the car.

And then it was just the two of them in the cold. They awkwardly stood in silence for a while, or maybe Tsukki was the only one who thought it was awkward. He didn’t feel as drunk as he should have after all the drinks they’d had.

“I’ll be going then”, Tsukki said, making a vague gesture in the general direction of his home. And because Kuroo didn’t say anything he started walking. The other boy quickly fell into step beside him.

“What are you doing?”, Tsukki asked without turning around.

“There aren’t any trains at this hour. I’m going to your place.”

Tsukki frowned but he wasn’t sure if he was annoyed or embarrassed. That god damn kiss was still playing on his mind like a broken record, and he wasn’t really fond of the idea that Kuroo would stay with him in his tiny apartment after this.

“You don’t live that far from here either, you can just walk”, Tsukki suggested.

Kuroo pouted. “Are you trying to kill me in this cold weather? I am _sensitive_ Tsukki, if I have to walk all the way back home, I will _literally_ die!”

Tsukki sighed and didn’t say anything anymore and they both knew it meant, that he had given in. Tsukki was pretty good at saying no, at refusing people. But Kuroo always managed to have his way with him so easily.

“You’re the best”, Kuroo said and playfully bumped their shoulders together. Tsukki just clicked his tongue at him but he couldn’t find it in him to be truly pissed at Kuroo.

The black-haired boy seemed to be in a particularly funny mood, which surely was the fault of all the liquor Bokuto had kept pouring him. He climbed onto a low wall fencing in the bordering properties.

“Hold me!”, he said, reaching for Tsukki’s hand.

He snorted. “I will most definitely not.”

But when Kuroo almost slipped on the snow-clad bricks, Tsukki found himself offering his hand after all. Kuroo intertwined their fingers, a smug grin on his lips.

He jumped down onto the sidewalk when the wall was replaced by a wooden fence. Tsukki tried to put his hand back into his coat pocket, now that his job was done, but Kuroo didn’t let him. He pulled him back in, until they stood so close that Tsukki felt Kuroo’s breath on his skin.

His heart was beating in his chest like crazy. “What are you doing?”, he asked, trying to sound snarky, trying to laugh it off. But his voice was trembling.

Kuroo looked him straight in the eyes. He didn’t seem drunk anymore. Tsukki knew, of course that he was, but he looked so serious, so _aware_.

“I don’t know”, he whispered, calmly. And then he pressed their lips together, softly, carefully. And Tsukki didn’t have it in him to push him away. He should have, he knew that. But he couldn’t.

He felt Kuroo’s hands in his neck, caressing his hair, pulling him in. He broke away for a second, and Tsukki found himself chasing his lips, almost desperately. Kuroo didn’t seem to mind, though. He kissed him again and again until Tsukki felt out of breath.

Kuroo looked at him, his forehead resting against his own and Tsukki tried to read his face. But there was no sign of anything, just honest eyes examining his own. He couldn’t grasp how this happened, wasn’t even sure what exactly it was, that happened.

“Let’s go home”, Kuroo said eventually. And they did, silently at first, but it didn’t take long for Kuroo to regain his words. Tsukki wasn’t really listening though. He couldn’t focus on anything but Kuroo’s lips on his own.

When they arrived at the flat Kuroo slipped out of his coat and shoes and immediately disappeared into Tsukki’s room. Tsukki sighed, picked up the coat and hung it onto the wardrobe together with his own.

“What are you doing?”, he asked, when he found Kuroo sprawled out on his bed in his shirt and boxers.

“Sleeping”, the other boy replied.

“At least brush your teeth first.”

Kuroo made a grumbling noise at that, but eventually followed Tsukki to the bathroom, where Tsukki had already laid out a toothbrush for him. They brushed their teeth in silent, but their eyes kept meeting in the mirror. Kuroo had a grin plastered on his face and Tsukki hated himself for thinking it was cute.

When they got back to Tsukki’s room, he got his guest futon out of his closet and dropped it to the floor, before wrapping himself into his blanket, facing the wall. He still felt nervous and confused and his heart just wouldn’t calm down. He heard some rustling noises and assumed it was Kuroo setting up the futon. But the black-haired guy fell into bed next to Tsukki, who was close to having a heart attack.

“Warm me up, Tsukki”, Kuroo said playfully and wrapped his arms and legs around Tsukki’s body. He frowned and tried to push the older boy away.

“You’re heavy”, he complained. But Kuroo didn’t budge an inch and Tsukki prayed to god that he wouldn’t notice his crazy loud heartbeat.

“Warm me up!”, he said again, his voice nothing but a whisper next to Tsukki’’s ear. Tsukki didn’t dare to turn around. He just kept staring at the bare wall in front of him, blanket pulled up to his temples to hide his blushing cheeks.

Kuroo crawled underneath the blanket and put his arm around Tsukki’s waist. While Tsukki felt it was impossible to breathe, Kuroo seemed all calm and satisfied, his steady breath tickling the skin in Tsukki’s neck.

They fell asleep like that, bodies interlaced. Or well, Kuroo fell asleep like that, while Tsukki barely got a wink of sleep. He was way too aware of the other boy’s body heat and all the places, their skin touched.

But even though he was nervous and embarrassed and couldn’t get himself to calm down, it also felt so warm and comfortable. And he didn’t want to know why that was, but at the same time he already knew.

He knew, why he didn’t want to leave Kuroo’s embrace, he knew why he had looked forward to seeing him tonight, he knew why he had come to Tokyo in the first place.

He was in love with Kuroo, maybe he had been in love with him all along.

_Shit_ , he thought.

But then again, maybe, just maybe, Kuroo’s arm around him meant something.

~

Tsukki must have fallen asleep at some point after all, because he woke up to an empty bed and rustling in his room. He sat up and blinked sleepily at Kuroo who was hastily putting on his pants. Tsukki felt a little unsettled at the sight.

“Why in such a rush?”, he mumbled dozily.

Kuroo turned around and looked at him apologetically.

“I didn’t mean to wake you up, I’m sorry. I have an appointment with my professor in 45 minutes, so I sorta need to hurry! Sorry!”

Tsukki shrugged. “It’s fine. Uh, should I make you coffee or something?”

“No, no, don’t worry, no need to get up, sleepy head”, he said with a soft smile. “Really, sorry, for waking you up and all.”

And with that he rushed out of the room and Tsukki heard the front door shut a few seconds later. The way Kuroo had kept apologizing made him anxious _. Was he just sorry about waking him up? Or was this about yesterday, about kissing him?_

~

It took a while until Tsukki heard from Kuroo again, and he was too scared to contact him himself. But after eleven days since the ‘encounter’ (not that Tsukki was counting) Kuroo texted him.

> **Kuroo Tetsurou:** Yoo Tsukki how r u? Are you dead yet? (=ↀωↀ=)
> 
> **Tsukki:** Why would I be dead?
> 
> **Kuroo Testsurou:** Bc u miss me so much _(:3」∠)_
> 
> **Tukki:** I’m fine. What about you? How are exams?
> 
> **Kuroo Tetsurou:** I m so touched! U r worried abt me♥ I m stressed but it s okay.
> 
> **Tsukki:** Don’t work too hard.
> 
> **Tsukki:** Are you free next Tuesday?
> 
> **Kuroo Tetsurou:** *GASP* my tsukki is asking me on a date (๑>ᴗ<๑)
> 
> **Tsukki:** Nevermind
> 
> **Kuroo Testsurou:** NO NO NO I m free lets meet! Come over at 4
> 
> **Tsukki:** Okay
> 
> **Kuroo Tetsurou:** Or maybe 5 I m meetin my project partner before that. If it s getting later u can just stay over 😉
> 
> **Tsukki:** K

~

When Tsukki closed the door of his flat behind him on Tuesday, he felt jittery. His fingers were trembling, and he wasn’t sure if it was the cold winter air or the nervousness. At least it wasn’t snowing and the snow mantle on the street had gotten thinner. It wasn’t a long walk to Kuroo’s flat, maybe a 10-minute walk, and Tsukki wasn’t sure if he should be grateful or not.

He stood in front of the light brown door for what felt like an eternity, unable to ring the bell. He heard Kuroo’s voice from the inside and he wondered if the project partner was still there. That made it even harder. He would not only have to face the guy he was in love with and who kissed him (several times) and then never mentioned it again, but some random stranger as well.

But he decided that the cold biting at his hands and feet was worse than his crippling anxiety, so he finally rang the bell.

Kuroo looked surprised.

“Tsukki”, he said, his voice sounding rushed. “I didn’t- Oh, shit what time is it?”

He turned around to glance at the clock on the wall. “Shitshitshit, sorry, we kinda worked on the project longer than expected.”

Tsukki knew that Kuroo was stressed with exams and that project and all. But Tsukki had been looking forward to seeing him so much. He’d been excited and nervous and had gotten ready three hours in advance. He hadn’t been able to think about anything but this all day.

And Kuroo had basically forgotten that they were supposed to meet up right now.

“But come in first, we’re pretty much done!”, Kuroo said and grabbed Tsukki’s wrist to pull him inside.

“Did your friend arrive?”

Tsukki froze.

A pretty girl with brown hair peaked out of Kuroo’s room.

Wearing Kuroo’s shirt.

He instinctively pulled his hand away.

“Sorry, maybe it would have been best if I hadn’t come.”

“What?” Kuroo shook his head. “No, Tsukki, I’m glad you did. I _want_ you here! We just forgot the time while working. And I have a lot going on right now with the upcoming deadlines and stuff.”

“I can see that”, he replied looking at the girl curiously eyeing them. The blonde shook his head. “But that’s not what I meant.”

Kuroo raised an eyebrow.

“To Tokyo. Maybe I shouldn’t have come to Tokyo”, Tsukki added, quietly, making sure that girl wouldn’t hear.

~

Tsukki made his way home, his steps getting quicker and hastier and his vision blurred by tears he hoped no one would be able to see.

He probably shouldn’t be feeling like this. He wasn’t Kuroo’s boyfriend or anything. Of course Kuroo would still be messing around with girls.

But it hurt. It hurt so much. The thought of Kuroo with someone else, Kuroo kissing someone else, was unbearable. It was like something inside him broke the second that girl walked out of Kuroo’s room wearing Kuroo’s shirt.

Tsukki felt himself starting to run, because, fuck, he wasn’t going to cry in public.

He already was though, the streaks of tears on his cheeks burning in the cold wind.

It felt unfair, that Kuroo ran around having fun with girls, while Tsukki’s mind was filled with nothing but him. It felt unfair because Tsukki didn’t ask for this, he didn’t ask for Kuroo to kiss him, again and again.

He didn’t ask to be in love with him, he didn’t plan it, he didn’t want it.

But he was and it hurt, and it felt hard to breathe.

As soon as the door of his flat fell shut behind him, he sank to the floor, unable to stop himself from sobbing. His shoulders were shaking violently, and he felt sick and he felt like he was choking, and he wondered how it was possible to hurt this much, to feel this much pain from something dumb like a heartbreak.

He didn’t want to care about this. It wasn’t like him; he wasn’t the type of person to care.

Except he was, when it came to Kuroo. Except he always found himself caring too much, when it was him.

Tsukki dragged himself to his room, into his bed. He curled up on himself and sobbed until he was numb, until all his tears were used up. He just stared at the blank ceiling. And then he cried again because apparently there were some tears left, apparently there was some pain left. The circle continued like that for hours and he was tired from crying but he couldn’t sleep.

He liked his flat and he liked living alone and it wasn’t like he would have talked about this with his mom or brother if he’d still lived at home.

But he felt so alone, so in need for a hug, for someone, but there was no one there and it was unbearable.

He stared at his phone screen for half an eternity, contemplating about whether to dial or not. Because Tsukki wasn’t the type to talk about his feelings. But this right now, this loneliness, this heartbreak felt impossible to endure by himself.

“Tsukki?” Yamaguchi muttered sleepily and suddenly Tsukki remembered that it was 2 am.

“Sorry”, he said with a forced laugh. “I shouldn’t have called.”

“No! It’s okay!” Yamaguchi’s voice sounded so sincere, that Tsukki couldn’t bring himself to hang up. But he couldn’t bring himself to talk either, so they sat in silence for a while.

Just when Tsukki had started to wonder if maybe Yamaguchi had fallen asleep at the other end, he heard him clear his throat. “So”, he started quietly. “What’s wrong?”

Tsukki shrugged, forgetting that Yamaguchi couldn’t actually see that.

“I mean, you don’t have to tell me. We can also just talk for a bit or. Not talk.”

Yamaguchi was really good a this, good at reading him, good at saying the right things, good at being a friend.

Tsukki covered the microphone for a second so Yamaguchi wouldn’t hear him sniffing.

“Thank you”, he said.

“You’re welcome”, Yamaguchi replied and then they just stayed silent for a while, but it felt good and comfortable. It felt less alone.

Tsukki finally dared to break the silence. “It’s about Kuroo.”

“Okay”, Yamaguchi said, and Tsukki couldn’t quite grasp what it was, but there was something in his voice; understanding, acceptance maybe. And Tsukki felt like he didn’t need to explain himself, that he didn’t need to justify himself. He felt like Yamaguchi just knew.

He took a deep breath.

“I made up this delusion in my head, that maybe Kuroo likes me too, but he doesn’t and it’s-” Tsukki paused for a second, trying hard to calm his voice. He didn’t want to sound desperate. He tried to fake a laugh “I mean, it’s not like it really matters.”

“It does though, doesn’t it?”, Yamaguchi said softly.

Tsukki felt all choked up. There was really no way, he could fool Yamaguchi in this day and age. He knew him too well, he’d seen Tsukki put up a cold front too often to be fooled by that.

Tsukki opened his mouth to say something but the second he did, a sob escaped his throat. He hid his face in his pillows, praying that Yamaguchi wouldn’t hear him cry about this.

“It hurts a lot more than I thought to be possible”, he choked out.

“Yeah”, Yamaguchi said. “I know. But did you talk to him? Did you ask him?”

Tsukki didn’t reply, but he didn’t need to.

“You don’t know for sure then. You don’t know for sure that he doesn’t like you back.”

And maybe Yamaguchi was right. Maybe there was some hope left.


	2. Chapter 2

Kuroo didn’t expect it to be this hard. And honestly, maybe it wouldn’t have been this hard. But he had made himself too comfortable, had relied to much on thoughts like “I’m smart, I’ll make it work somehow.” He’d kept procrastinating, kept pushing back exams to later semesters and now he suddenly had all these deadlines coming up and not enough time at all.

It was suffocating, really. Kuroo had always considered himself to be good at handling pressure. He’d never had problems in school. But now it was getting too much, and sure, it was his own fault, but it was a little late to regret it now. He didn’t have time for regrets anyway.

Kuroo couldn’t remember the last time he got a good night’s rest. The upcoming deadlines kept him up at night, working until 2 a.m. at best. And even when he did take a break, even when he went to bed at a reasonable time, thoughts of all the stuff he had to get done haunted him.

(And maybe, just maybe, there was something else that occupied his mind at night. Maybe there were thoughts of pale skin and blonde hair and soft lips on his own. God, they were so soft.)

At least he could slowly make out some light at the end of the tunnel, could slowly see the giant number of tasks clear up a little. He had a good motivation too. Because he was meeting Tsukki on Tuesday, and there was no way he would cancel on him, because he didn’t get his college stuff done in time. No fucking way. Not after he had to leave so abruptly the last time, they saw each other, not after they’d _kissed_ the last time, they saw each other. So, he pulled himself together, counting the days left until he’d finally get to see him, finally get to breathe again.

When Tuesday finally rolled around, he was still stressed and sleep deprived, but he was also excited. Really, really excited. When the doorbell rang at 12 a.m. his first thought was _It’s him!_

But of course, it wasn’t. Because Tsukki wouldn’t come until tonight. He’d have to get this stupid project done first. He was lucky this time though, his partner, Misaki, was a kind and calm girl. And most of all, she was reliable, which wasn’t something Kuroo took for granted, not after all the shitty partners he had in past projects.

They worked for a few hours, seated at the kitchen table of Kuroo’s small apartment. It went well, and they would probably be able to finish most of it today.

“Let’s take a break”, Misaki eventually said and Kuroo found himself agreeing. He brewed them some coffee, eyes glancing at the clock on the wall.

Misaki chuckled. “You keep checking the time.”

Kuroo looked at her in surprise, because really, he hadn’t noticed. “Do I?”

She nodded. “And you seem excited too. Got a date later on?”

Kuroo felt himself smiling at that. “Something like that”, he replied while pouring the coffee. “A friend is coming over at 5.”

A warm smile spread on Misaki’s face as she took the coffee from him. “Then we better hurry to get done before then.”

They continued working, sipping on their coffee in between. Kuroo did his best to concentrate on their task instead of the fact that Tsukki’s arrival was growing closer and closer. And to his surprise it worked out rather well. When he poured them another cup of coffee, they were basically done. They went over the important parts again, before they decided to wrap it up for the day.

“Finally!”, Kuroo sighed and grabbed the papers with a little too much enthusiasm. Some of the papers were stuck underneath Misaki’s cup, which promptly fell over, the remaining coffee spilling over the tablet and Misaki’s white blouse.

“Shit shit shit! I’m so sorry!”

Misaki stared at him, worriedly. “Are the papers okay; did anything get on the papers?”

He shook his head, waving them in his hand for proof. “But your blouse is ruined, I’m so sorry! Uh, I’ll lend you a shirt of mine, so you won’t have to get home like that. Really, I’m so sorry!”

“Don’t worry, it’s not that bad, but a shirt would be a great”, she replied with an awkward laugh.

Kuroo took out a shirt from his closet and let her get changed in his bedroom, while he cleaned the table and tried to get the coffee stain out of the blouse over the sink.

The doorbell rang.

~

“Sorry, maybe it would have been best if I hadn’t come.”

“What?” Kuroo shook his head. “No, Tsukki, I’m glad you did. I _want_ you here! We just forgot the time while working. I have a lot going on right now with the upcoming deadlines and stuff.”

“I can see that”, Tsukki replied, and Kuroo hated the tone in his voice. “But that’s not what I meant.”

Kuroo raised an eyebrow. _What the hell is going on?_

“To Tokyo. Maybe I shouldn’t have come to Tokyo”, Tsukki added, quietly.

Kuroo looked at him long and hard. But he couldn’t tell what he was thinking, not really. That was the thing with Tsukki. He never liked to show what was going on in his head, and while Kuroo thought it was cute at times, it was just as unnerving at others. “What do you mean?”, he asked, not bothering to hide the annoyance in his voice. For a second there, he thought he saw something flickering in Tsukki’s eyes. Uncertainty. Or vulnerability, maybe.

But then Tsukki pushed back his glasses like he always did and his face was blank again.

“Never mind. I’ll just leave for today, so you can take care of the deadlines and the stuff”, he said, a snarky smile on his lips.

Kuroo rolled his eyes. “You don’t have to go.”

“No, it’s fine.” He was still smiling, and it made Kuroo furious. _Why can’t Tsukki ever come out of his goddamn shell and say what he is thinking? Why does he always hide behind that arrogant smile and the snarky comments instead of being honest for once?_

When Kuroo didn’t reply Tsukki shrugged. “I’ll see you around”, he said, and turned to leave.

“Sure. See you around.” For whatever that meant. They both knew very well that they wouldn’t just bump into each other in the city or meet in college. They weren’t in the same faculty and if they didn’t put in the effort to purposely meet, they just wouldn’t.

He slammed the door shut and almost flinched a little when he saw Misaki still standing in the doorway of his bedroom. He had sorta forgotten that she had been there.

“Are you okay?”

He shrugged. “No, no, I’m fine, just great”, he said angrily, and felt sorry about it immediately after. It wasn’t her fault. “Sorry that you had to hear that”, he added with a vague gesture.

She shook her head. “No, don’t worry about it. But are you okay? I mean, I don’t know, I know we aren’t that close, but if you don’t want to be alone, I can stay for a bit?”

Kuroo forced himself to smile. “I’m okay, it’s okay, you can go. But thank you, I appreciate it. I really do.”

So Misaki left, her stained blouse in a plastic bag, and Kuroo wondered if he had made a mistake, if he should have asked her to stay, because the silence felt unbearable.

He sat down on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He had no idea what had just happened. Or maybe he had some kinda idea, but he didn’t want to jump to conclusions. It was enough that one of them was doing just that. He knew he had to talk to Tsukki, he knew he had to ask what the hell was going on, but right now, he was feeling angry and tired and frustrated. He needed to calm down first.

He put on some music in the hopes of being distracted. But it was in vain. He had never realized just how many songs in his playlist had been recommended by Tsukki. After skipping what felt like an endless amount of songs, he decided to put on some movie instead. He could barely follow the story, surprised when the end credits already rolled over the screen. He put on another one.

He fell asleep at some point, his thrid movie almost over when he woke up again. He checked the time in the corner of his laptops display. 2:07 a.m. He knew it was probably fruitless, but he took out his phone and scrolled through the contacts. He was feeling calm enough now. His finger hovered over the call button for a bit, before he pressed down.

He didn’t expect Tsukki to pick up. It was 2 a.m. after all. But the reason Tsukki didn’t pick up wasn’t that he was sleeping. Instead the line was occupied.

Kuroo probably shouldn’t have worried about it too much, but he couldn’t stop himself from growing anxious. Who would Tsukki be calling in the middle of the night? Who was he speaking to right now?

Of course, Tsukki could do what he wanted. They weren’t dating.

They weren’t dating.

The thought hit Kuroo in a weird, unexpected way. He’d been so sure of himself, been so sure that they would end up dating, been so sure that yes, Tsukki was pining over him too. Especially after that night in the bar, especially after that kiss and those that followed.

But maybe Tsukki had been drunk, maybe he wasn’t thinking about it the same way Kuroo was, because maybe Tsukki had someone else. Someone he would call at 2 a.m.

Kuroo cursed himself for they way he had gone about all of this. He cursed himself of being so sure of himself. He cursed himself for just kissing him like that and assuming that everything would sort itself out.

It obviously wouldn’t.

~

When Kuroo woke up, the first thing he did, was check if Tsukki had called or texted him.

He hadn’t.

But it was early, maybe he simply wasn’t awake yet. Or maybe he wasn’t ready yet. Kuroo knew Tsukki, it wasn’t unlikely. He had a tendency to stress himself out over these kinds of situations. He was the type to run away when he felt pressured.

So Kuroo tried his best to stay calm and not pressure him by leaving a bunch of messages (though he really wanted to).

It wasn’t hard to find something to do to distract himself – he had enough stuff to work on and he also really needed to do his laundry. So he kept himself busy all day, studying, cleaning, studying some more, until his brain decided it was time to stop functioning and he decided to leave it be for the day.

His thoughts went back to Tsukki the second he sat down on his couch; the second his brain didn’t have anything else to focus on, he was thinking about Tsukki again. About his pale skin, about his blonde hair and his soft lips. About the way he furrowed his eyebrows, the way he seemed to always pout, the way his voice sounded when he was pretending to be annoyed.

About his face when he left yesterday.

And that’s when he decided he’d been patient enough.

> **Kuroo:** Hey Tsukki, I don’t wanna pressure u but I m worried/confused abt yesterday. Idk, just pls call or text me or sth when u r ready? I don’t want to fight with u.

He typed “I miss u” too but deleted it before sending. No pressure, he reminded himself. No pressure.

If he had been fidgety before sending the text message, he was almost going crazy now. He kept checking his phone every few seconds, even though he knew, that there was no way he wouldn’t hear the notification.

When he did hear the notification, he almost dropped his phone.

> **Tsukki (⌐** **▨** **_** **▨** **)** **♥** **:** I’m sorry I was being childish. Are you free right now?

Kuroo had to restrain himself from replying in all caps that yes, he was free, definitely free, always free when it was for Tsukki.

> **Kuroo:** Yes. Should I call?
> 
> **Tsukki (⌐** **▨** **_** **▨** **)** **♥** **:** Can I come over?
> 
> **Kuroo:** Of course!!

It took Tsukki 20 minutes at most, but they felt unbearably long to Kuroo and he kept pacing in his apartment until the doorbell finally rang.

“Tsukki”, he said, unable to keep himself from smiling but also unsure if it was appropriate to smile, considering their awkward situation.

“Kuroo.”

“Come in!” Kuroo stepped aside to let Tsukki in and he didn’t miss the way the blonde glanced to his bedroom door, as if to check if there was really no one in there.

He waited until Tsukki had taken off his shoes and coat before suggesting to sit down on his couch. The atmosphere was awkward. Really awkward.

“You look tired”, Tsukki said after a while of silence.

“Yeah, I haven’t really had much sleep recently. It’s been… kinda tough.” He laughed half-heartedly. Tsukki furrowed his brows.

“I didn’t know.” His voice was quiet. “Sorry.”

“It’s not like I told you? How could you have known?”

The blonde shrugged and stared onto his hands. “I don’t know, I feel like I should have noticed.”

Kuroo wondered if Tsukki was aware of how sweet that sounded to his ears. He was worried about him. He felt guilty for not paying attention. That had to mean something, no?

“So… what happened yesterday?” He was too impatient to dwell further on the topic of him being stressed and he was definitely too impatient to stay silent for another 10 minutes.

Tsukki didn’t even look up and Kuroo wondered if once again he would be deprived of an answer. But after an awfully long pause Tsukki cleared his throat and finally spoke, his voice barely a whisper.

“I was jealous.”

That got his hopes up, really got his hopes up, but he couldn’t feel relieved just yet.

“Why? Jealous of whom?” He knew his voice sounded a little too impatient, too pressed, and he worried that maybe it would cause Tsukki to go back to his shell, to say “Nevermind, I’ll just leave for today”. But he wanted to know what was going on already. He _needed_ to know.

Tsukki looked up, meeting his gaze, and it made his chest feel tight. His honey-coloured eyes seemed to search for something in his face, his brows were furrowed, the way the often were, the way Kuroo found impossibly endearing.

“Isn’t it obvious?”, he finally replied, before nudging back his glasses.

“Why?”

“We both know where this is headed.Do I really have to spell it out for you, Kuroo? Isn’t that cruel?”

Kuroo didn’t reply. He didn’t want to force him, but at the same time he needed to hear it, needed to know if his hopes were baseless or not. He just looked at Tsukki, gazing at his pretty face, hoping he would be willing to say more.

“Fine.” Tsukki sighed. “I know it’s stupid, and I know I have no right to be jealous over you hooking up with some girl, because it was nothing, we’re nothing, but I still got jealous, and I just. Hoped we could be something after that night at the bar, but ugh.” He frowned. “I’m sorry for being unreasonable.”

“We aren’t _nothing,_ Tsukki. You’re one of my best friends, for one.” Kuroo felt his cheeks heating up. “And I’d like to be _something_ …”

Tsukki abruptly looked up, eyes wide open and cheeks flushed red.

“What?”

“Kissing you wasn’t nothing to me, Tsukki. I’m sorry for not making my intentions clear. But I like you, Tsukki.”

Disbelief was written all over the blonde’s pale face.

“B-but what about that girl?”

Kuroo chuckled. “She spilled coffee onto her blouse. I promise.”

Tsukki frowned, clearly embarrassed by his hasty judgement. It was adorable. Way too adorable. Kuroo carefully reached out his hand and brushed his thumb over the other’s cheek.

“Can I kiss you?”

“You didn’t ask before.”

“Yeah. But this time I want to do it right.”

“… you can.”

Kuroo was unable to stop himself from smiling, when he closed the distance between them. Tsukki’s lips were even softer than he remembered them to be.

~

Kuroo sleepily blinked into his sun flooded bedroom. He wasn’t sure what time it was, but he’d slept better than he did in weeks; he felt rested for once.

But then he noticed the blank space next to him. Panic rose up in his chest, and he sat up, looking around confusedly.

“Tsukki?”

Maybe he’d changed his mind. Maybe he didn’t like this after all. Maybe he’d felt pressured and ran away.

Then there was a clinking noise, a door opened and closed, steps shuffled through the hallway until a blonde head peaked through the doorway of his bedroom.

A wave of relief washed over him. “I thought you were gone”, he said honestly.

Tsukki shuffled closer, leaving a bag of buns on Kuroo’s desk.

“I got us breakfast”, he said while slipping out of his coat and jeans.

“It’s cold outside”, he continued, his voice quiet, embarrassed. He awkwardly walked over to the bed and crawled back under the blanket.  
  
“Warm me up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this story was kinda supposed to go a little differently in a bunch of ways so if i'm honest it was really hard to write the second chapter. I guess I shouldn't have strayed so far from my intial idea(s).  
> I hope it was still enjoyable to read!
> 
> Thanks for reading and commenting :) <3

**Author's Note:**

> I seem to have a run today^^
> 
> Happy New Year y'all and thanks for reading!♥
> 
> I literally cry over every comment ;)


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